You live your life knowing that you could die at any moment. Fine. You also live knowing that no matter what you are going to die. That that will be you in the coffin one day. You, in a very personal way, are going to face the Big Adventure, the moment when you find out if your pastor was right for certain. That it's going to happen, at the very best when you have a lot of people you love and who love you. That even as you are passing out of this world the world is going on just as it always has. You might think that you didn't have enough time to enjoy them, your children, I mean.

Nothing matters when you think about it. I could kick this expensive-ass computer off the desk right now and it wouldn't matter, I would still be dying. I can smoke another pack of cigarettes or I could quit tonight. Still dead. Kirsten Dunst will never know I exist, or she could show up on my doorstep tomorrow. Still dead. It's a contract with no loopholes. The perfect contract. You are going to fucking die. Think about it.